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EXT. TATOOME - ALLEYWAY BETWEEN STRIPMALLS – SUNSET
The walls and ends of the alleyway are shrouded in a strange foreboding mist, ground smog as the ground and air cools, and
the ominous sounds of unidentified creatures fill the air. Aryoo moves cautiously through the creepy alley, inadvertently
making loud clicking noises as he goes. He hears a distant, hard, metallic thunk and stops for a moment. Convinced he is
alone, he continues on his way.
In the distance, a pebble tumbles down from the roof of a restaurant, and a small dark figure darts into the shadows. A little
further up the alley a slight flicker of light reveals a pair of eyes in the dark recesses of a service entrance.
The unsuspecting rivethead sidles along the rugged back alley driveway until suddenly, out of nowhere, a powerful taser blast
shoots out of the deep doorway, and engulfs him in a static discharge.
He manages one short tinkly groan before he flops over onto his back. His eyelids flicker shut, then open, then closed again.
Out from the abandoned restaurant storage room scurry three Ma’was, shorter than Aryoo. They holster Gernsbackian taser
weapons as they cautiously approach the rivethead. They wear grubby jackets and their faces are wrapped in cloth bandages
so that only their feral, glowing eyes can be seen. They hiss and grunt as they heave the thickset rivethead onto their shoulders
and carry him away down the alley.
EXT. TATOOME - STRIPMALL - TANK-BUS – SUNSET
The eight Ma'was carry Aryoo out of the alley to a huge armored bus, the size of a comfortable mobile home. They weld a rusty
collar around Aryoo's neck, and then, lifting him over their heads, toss him into an open window of the vehicle.
The filthy little Ma'was scurry like rats up small ladders and enter the front cabin of the behemoth.
INT. TANK-BUS - HOLD AREA
It is dim inside the hold area of the Tank-bus. Aryoo switches on a small flashlight in the pocket of his jacket, covering
the top of it with his hand so the beam doesn't spread too far, and stumbles around the piled up junk. The dim beam swings
across rusty metal car parts and an array of grotesquely abused and maimed rivetheads. He lets out a pathetic tinkle and
stumbles off toward what appears to be a door at the end of the hold.
INT. TANK-BUS - PRISON AREA
Aryoo enters a wide room with a five-foot ceiling. In the midst of a bunch of rotting garbage sit a dozen or so rivetheads
of various shapes and sizes. Some are engaged in whispered conversation, while others simply stare blindly. A voice of recognition
calls out from the gloom.
THIRTEENPIO: Aryoo-Onetoo! My God, it's you! It's you!
A bruised and bloodied Thirteenpio scrambles over to Aryoo and grabs him by the arms.
EXT. TATOOME - ALLEYWAY - TANK-BUS – SUNSET
The enormous Tank-bus rumbles off towards the pale and glaring sun, which is slowly setting over the distant towers.
EXT. TATOOME - DESERTED INDUSTRIAL PARK – DAY
Four Imperial gothroopers mill about in front of a driveway leading into the vast parking area. A trooper yells to an officer
some distance away.
FIRST TROOPER: They came this way. Their trace signatures go off in that direction.
A second trooper picks up a discarded cigarette pack and gives it to the first trooper.
SECOND TROOPER: Look, sir - rivetheads.
EXT. TATOOME - PARKING LOT EXIT
The Tank-bus moves slowly down the exit ramp, over the "sever tire damage" spikes on it's solid rubber wheels.
INT. TANK-BUS
Thirteenpio and Aryoo bounce uncomfortably inside the cramped prison chamber. Aryoo appears to be asleep.
THIRTEENPIO: Get off me! Get off me!
Suddenly the shaking and bouncing of the Tank-bus stops, creating quite a commotion among those rivetheads that are still
conscious. Thirteenpio's fist bangs the head of Aryoo whose eyes open blearily, and he begins tinkling quietly. At the far
end of the long chamber a door opens, filling the chamber with blinding daylight. A half-dozen or so Wa'was make their way
through the odd assortment of over-pierced humanity.
THIRTEENPIO: This can't be good.
A Ma'wa starts moving toward them.
THIRTEENPIO: Do you think they'll kill us now?
Aryoo tinklingly responds.
THIRTEENPIO: Don't kill us! Don't kill us! We'll do anything you want!
EXT. TATOOME - JUNKYARD – AFTERNOON
The Ma'was mutter barely-comprehensible obscenities as they busily line up their battered captives, including Aryoo and Thirteenpio,
in front of the Tank-bus, which is parked beside a smallish, oldish, delapidated house, surrounded by a vast junkyard, filled
scrap cars and parts, and heavy machinery; the gas station is just outside the entrance.
The Ma'was scurry around fussing over the rivetheads, kicking them in line, or brushing some dust from dirty, smelly, clothing.
The masked little creatures smell worse, attracting flies to the food stains and other unidentified smears on their wretched
ensembles.
Out of the shadows of a dingy outhouse limps Paddy Pickworth, a large burly man in his late fifties. His reddened eyes peer
from a craggy face. As the yard owner carefully inspects each of the rivetheads, he is closely followed by his slouching
and scowling nephew, Lance Nightwalker. A nasty little Ma'was walks ahead of the old man, spouting an animated sales pitch
in a whining, begging tone, all but intelligible between bursts of serial swearing.
A voice calls out from one of the broken windows in the sagging house. Lance goes over to see his Aunt Edna standing in the
dim parlour.
EDNA: Lance, tell Paddy that if he gets a tech to be sure he knows DOS.
LANCE: It looks like we don't have much of a choice but I'll remind him.
Lance returns to his uncle and looks over the random bits and pieces for sale, as Paddy makes a deal with the Ma'wa leader.
PADDY: I have no need for another useless rivethead.
THIRTEENPIO: (quickly) No, sir, you don't - but I do have my engineering degree, I can put a bike back together or make
one from scratch, and I can also make a rudimentary lathe.....
PADDY: What I really need is an indentured that understands the programming of late nineties onboard computers.
THIRTEENPIO: Onboard computers! Sir - My first job was reprogramming early first decade onboard computers!....very similar
to the earlier versions. You could say....
PADDY: You can reprogram onboard computers?
THIRTEENPIO: Of course I can, sir. It's like second nature to me....it's as easy to me as riding a bike!
PADDY: All right - shut the f*ck up! (turning to Ma'wa) I'll take this one.
THIRTEENPIO: Shutting the f*ck up, sir.
PADDY: Lance, take these two over to the garage, will you? I want you to have both of them cleaned up and de-loused before
dinner.
LANCE: But I was going to go the Yoshi Mall to pick up some tools!
PADDY: You can waste time with your friends when your chores are
done. Now, come on, get to it!
LANCE: Oh, all right, then! And the red-headed one, come on. Well, come on, Big Red, let's go.
As the Ma'was start to lead the three remaining rivetheads back into the Tank-bus, Aryoo lets out a pathetic little tinkle
and starts after his old friend Thirteenpio. He is restrained by a reeking Ma’wa, who zaps him with a taser.
Paddy is negotiating with the head Ma'wa. Lance and the two rivetheads start for the garage when the redhead starts convulsing,
and collapses on the ground moaning and twitching. Lance kneels by the rivethead and attempts to prevent him from swallowing
his own tongue, getting hit in the face in the process. The redhead's eyes roll up into his head, he shudders violently,
and dies.
LANCE: Uncle Paddy?
PADDY: What?
LANCE: This dude didn't even make it two steps. Look at 'im!
PADDY: (to the head Ma'wa) Hey, you tryin' to push terminal addicts on us?
The Ma'wa goes into a long, convoluted and unintelligble, defense. Meanwhile, Aryoo has sneaked out of line and is waving
his arms, trying to attract attention. He starts jangling loudly. Thirteenpio taps Lance on the shoulder.
THIRTEENPIO: (pointing to Aryoo) Excuse me, sir, but friend over there is totally clean. A real hard worker, too, and he
doesn't talk much.
LANCE: Uncle Paddy....
PADDY: What?
LANCE: What about that guy?
PADDY: (to Ma'wa) What about that really pierced-up one? We'll take that one.
With a great deal of groaning reluctance, the odoriferous salesman trades the deceased rivethead for Aryoo.
LANCE: (muttering to himself) Yeah, take the body with you.
THIRTEENPIO: Um, I'm quite sure you'll be very pleased with my friend, sir. He really is straight edge. I've known him
a long time, and he doesn't even drink.
Paddy pays off the still-complaining Ma'wa and the two rivetheads trudge off with Lance toward a grimy out-building.
LANCE: Okay, let's go.
THIRTEENPIO: (to Aryoo) Now, you better not forget this! Why I stick my neck out for you is beyond me!
INT. PICKWORTH JUNKYARD - WORKSHOP - LATE AFTERNOON
The workshop is cluttered and worn, but it is well-kept and somewhat orderly. Thirteenpio lowers himself into a large tub
filled with warm water. Near the battered '68 Camaro, Aryoo sits in front of a television set, watching some music videos
filled with nearly naked dancing girls and eating corn chips with pineapple-mango salsa.
THIRTEENPIO: Thank whatever deity there may be! This bath is going to feel so good. I've got such a bad case of leather-chafing,
I'm nearly rubbed raw!
Aryoo jangles back in sympathy. Lance is paying them no attention as he runs his hand over the damaged tail-fin of an eight
cylinder muscle car on the other side of the shop. Finally Lance's frustrations get the better of him and he a wrench onto
the concrete floor.
LANCE: It's just not fair! Wiggs was right. I'm never gonna get out
of here!
THIRTEENPIO: Wanna talk about it, dude?
Lance glares at the totally relaxed rivethead. Irritation flashes across his face, then he sighs and curses under his breath.
LANCE: Well, not unless you can speed up time or teleport me out of this lousy part of town.
THIRTEENPIO: No can do, man. I'm only an ignorant rivethead and not in possession of any super-powers. Not in this dimension,
at least, and I don't know about any others. As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure where exactly I am.
LANCE: Well, you're pretty much in a part of town that's known as the pimple on the ass of this city.
THIRTEENPIO: Ah. Doesn't really help me.
LANCE: You're in Tankerhead.
THIRTEENPIO: Well, that's disappointing.
LANCE: I bet. (laughing) My name's Lance, by the way.
THIRTEENPIO: I'm Thirteenpio, industrial music enthusiast, and this is my bud, Aryoo-Onetoo.
LANCE: 'Sup.
Aryoo tinkles in response. Lance changes the channel as Aryoo watches a particularly interesting music video. Thirteenpio
climbs out of the tub and begins putting lotion on his skin.
LANCE: You guys look pretty thrashed. Have you seen a lot of action?
THIRTEENPIO: With all we've been through, sometimes I'm amazed we're still alive, what with the Rebellion and all.
LANCE: You've fought in the Rebellion?
Aryoo and Thirteenpio both stare hard at Lance.
THIRTEENPIO: That's how we came to be in your service, if you get what I'm sayin'.
LANCE: Have you been in many battles?
Aryoo turns the channel back to what he was originally watching, as Lance's attention is caught by Thirteenpio.
THIRTEENPIO: Several, yeah. There's not much to tell. The gothtroopers attack us, we fight back, or we attack the gothtroopers,
and they fight back. Nothing to it.
Aryoo clanks a bit in disgust.
Lance struggles with his curiosity and gawks at both rivetheads in interest.
LANCE: Wow, the only two folks I know who've been even remotely involved in the Rebellion are my friend Wiggs and some old
guy who lives out on the edges of Tankerhead....what's-his-name....uh....Kimono or something.....
Aryoo jerks and clanks to alertness. He feels around inside his breastplate, and pulls out the disc Leiza gave him before
he and Thirteenpio escaped the Vanagon. He looks around wildly for a laptop, and seeing one on a bench over by the muscle
car, he jumps up, knocking Lance almost to the floor as he rushes past.
He inserts the disk in the laptop, and a hologram projection glares to life, making it seem as though the Princess is standing
on the hood of the car.
Lance whips around at her voice, and his mouth gapes in amazement and a good dose of lust.
LEIZA: Help me, Obi Fora Kimono. You're my only hope.
LANCE: Whozzat?
Aryoo hangs his head and glances over at Thirteenpio, tinkling softly. Thirteenpio glares at him.
The disc with Leiza's plea seems to have an error or something, and continues to repeat the same sequence over and over.
THIRTEENPIO: Aryoo, what did you do? When did you get that? No, don't answer that.....
Aryoo does his best to look innocent, but then he looks around and sheepishly tinkles an answer for Thirteenpio to translate.
Leiza continues to repeat the sentence fragment over and over.
LEIZA: Help me, Obi Fora Kimono. You're my only hope. Help me, Obi Fora Kimono. You're my only hope.
THIRTEENPIO: Oh, it's nothing, right. Just a sentimental piece of crap. Old data. Don't worry about it.
But Lance is intrigued by the beautiful girl.
LANCE: But who is she? His girlfriend? She is hot!
THIRTEENPIO: I don't think so.
LEIZA: Help me, Obi Fora Kimono....
THIRTEENPIO: I think she was just a friend of Aryoo's, someone we gave a ride to a couple of days ago. Our captain was attached
to....
LANCE: (interrupting) Is there more to this recording?
Lance walks over to the laptop and starts fiddling with the keyboard. Aryoo becomes alarmed and starts clanking vigorously.
THIRTEENPIO: Shut up, Aryoo. We're in the shit as it is.
Aryoo jangles an insistent message to Thirteenpio.
THIRTEENPIO: He says he needs to get to Obi Fora Kimono, who supposedly lives around here somewhere. I don't know who he's
talking about, but he says it's a private message for him.
LANCE: Obi Fora Kimono? Could that be old Sylk Kimono?
THIRTEENPIO: I have no idea. Aryoo?
Aryoo tinkles a bit, mulling it over, and finally nods.
LANCE: I don't know anyone named Obi Fora, but Sylk lives out by the industrial park. He's a weird old dude.
Lance gazes again at the beautiful young princess, and starts to drool a bit.
LANCE: If she's in trouble, maybe I could help. Can we get the whole thing to play?
Aryoo tinkles something at Thirteenpio.
THIRTEENPIO: Aryoo says that the rest of it's encrypted, and he doesn't have the key. Only Obi Fora has the key, so if you
want to see the whole message, you're gonna have to get the disc to him.
Lance looks longingly at the pretty, pretty princess, spacing out on what Thirteenpio is saying.
LANCE: Huh? I don't think my Uncle Paddy would be too happy with either of you taking off to deliver a message that he didn't
send, and I'm too damn busy to do anything right now. Sorry, guys.
Lance reaches out and shuts down the hologram, pops out the disc and hands it to Aryoo, and snaps the laptop closed.
LANCE: There ya go.
The disc disappears once again into Aryoo's breastplate.
Lance looks at Aryoo, who ooks rather pathetically at the floor.
LANCE: Well, there might be something I can do for you, but not now, okay?
Aryoo nods sadly, and Thirteenpio groans with embarrassment.
THIRTEENPIO: Oh, come on! Don't try guilting this guy! We're not in any kind of position to ask for favours right now.
A woman's voice calls out from the doorway.
AUNT EDNA: Come and get it, Lance!
Lance starts to walk out, then turns to the two rivetheads, and points his finger at Aryoo.
LANCE: (raising his voice) I'll be right there, Aunt Edna!
He's still staring at Aryoo.
LANCE: Don't do anything stupid while I'm having dinner, 'kay?
THIRTEENPIO: Hey, I'll keep an eye on him. Trust me.
Lance walks out of the workshop, tossing a look or two over his shoulder as he goes.
LANCE: (over his shoulder) I'll be right back; really, don't do anything stupid.
THIRTEENPIO: (whispers to Aryoo) Seriously, don't do anything stupid.
Aryoo just shrugs in response.
THIRTEENPIO: Don't give me that. Just don't do something dumb.
Aryoo jingles.
THIRTEENPIO: You're going to do something really amazingly stupid, now, aren't you?
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