|
THREETEENPIO [13PO]....................Russell Crowe
ARYOO-ONETOO [RU12]....................Colin Farrell
LANCE NIGHTWALKER......................Josh Hartnett
DARK TRADER............................Samuel L. Jackson
TRADER’S VOICE)........................Quentin Tarantino
UNCLE PADDY............................Terence Stamp
AUNTIE EDNA............................Kim Bassinger
IMPERIAL OFFICER (SECURITY)............Joe Don Baker
REBEL OFFICER..........................Charles Durning
PRINCESS LEIZA ORGANZA.................Kirsten Dunst
SYLK (OBI FORA) KIMONO.................Tom Waits
MAN DINGO..............................Trey Parker
TABACCA................................Ron Perlman
TROOPER [I]............................Jeremy Howard
ADMIRAL MOTTLI.........................Bill Nighy
WIGGS DARKLIGHTER......................David Krumholtz
la BREA TARPITS........................Robin Sachs
CHIEF MA’WA............................Danny de Vito
COMMANDER "RATS" WILLARD...............Stephen Dorff
MOURNING STAR GUNNER...................Brandon Keener
DR. ATIVAN.............................Steve Buscemi
DUTCH/GOLD LEADER......................Bruce Willis
GARITSUCKS.............................Alan Tudyk
GENERAL DODONDOOM......................Ving Rhames
COMMANDER TAGGERT......................Tim Allen
GOLD 2/TYRELL..........................Jed Rees
GOLD 5.................................Patrick Breen
THE GRAND TOFF BARKIN..................James Rebhorn
SPEEDO.................................Will Smith
IMPERIAL OFFICER (ANTIGONE I)..........Bill Pullman
IMPERIAL OFFICER (ANTIGONE II).........Bill Paxton
JIMMY D./RED 4.........................Ethan Embry
GABE...................................James Duval
KITIK KAT’KIK..........................Halle Berry
MUFFATAK...............................Missi Pyle
PONDA BERA.............................Harvey Fierstein
PORKINS................................Benicio del Toro
RED LEADER.............................Antonio Banderas
KENNI TONNIKRAP........................Kris Kristofferson
WEDGIES ANPLATFORMS....................Rose McGowan
HUHER..................................Angelina Jolie
OLD RIVETHEAD..........................Christopher Lee
OLD WOMAN..............................Beatrice Arthur
CAMISOLE...............................Jessica Alba
THE TRIXER.............................Mickey Rourke
DIRK...................................DJ Qualls
LINDY..................................Seth Green
IMPERIAL COMMANDER [I].................Lance Henriksen
SECOND OFFICER.........................Matthew McConnaughey
FIRST TROOPER..........................Wil Wheaton
SECOND TROOPER.........................Freddie Prinze, Jr.
BIG RED................................Eric Stoltz
HOUSEMAID..............................Mischa Barton
FIRST RAIDEN BARBARIAN.................Michael Clarke Duncan
SECOND RAIDEN BARBARIAN................Michael Madsen
SANCTIONED TORTURER....................Rebecca Romijn
GOTHTROOPER (ANTIGONE DETENTION).......Hugh Jackman
TROOPER (I – MOR PRESLEY)..............William Fichtner
TROOPER (II – MOR PRESLEY).............Tom Sizemore
MA’WA (MOR PRESLEY BAR)................Gary Coleman
BOUNCER (MOR PRESLEY BAR)..............Lou Ferrigno
BARTENDER (MOR PRESLEY BAR)............Joe Pesci
SLAM-DANCER............................Matthew Lillard
STRAP-GIRL.............................Clare Kramer
TATTOO-GUY.............................Dee Snider
WUBBA THE SHACK........................Tim Curry
USED CAR SALESMAN......................Chris Rock
SPY....................................Eric Stahl
IMPERIAL OFFICER KRASS.................Andy Umberger
INTERCOM VOICE (ANTIGONE)..............Kathleen Turner
TROOPER (I - ANTIGONE).................Timothy Olyphant
TROOPER (II – ANTIGONE)................Desmond Askew
TROOPER (III – ANTIGONE)...............Tony Denman
TROOPER (IV – ANTIGONE)................Brecken Meyer
TROOPER (SECURITY – ANTIGONE)..........Sarah Polley
A long time ago, in a mall far, far
away...
A vast sea of stores serves as the backdrop for the main title. Techno drums echo through the galleria as a rollup slowly
crawls into infinity.
It is a period of Gothic war. Rebel Goth incursions, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the
evil Lestatic Empire.
During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the Mourning Star, an armored
Winnebago with enough power to destroy an entire nightclub.
Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents, Princess Leiza races home in her Vanagon, custodian of the stolen plans that can
save her people and restore freedom to the mall...
The awesome silver city of Tatoome emerges as a fog-bank dissipates, her two encircling freeways glowing against the darkness.
A tiny silver Honda, a Rebel Blockade Runner firing tasers from the back of the vehicle, races through the back streets.
It is pursued by a giant Imperial Star Limo. Hundreds of deadly taserbolts streak from the Imperial Star Limo, causing the
main spoiler of the Rebel craft to disintegrate.
INT. REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER - CENTRAL AISLE
An explosion rocks the van as two rivet-heads, Aryoo-Onetoo (RU12) and Thirteenpio (13PO) struggle to make their way through
the shaking, bouncing length of the vehicle. Both rivet-heads are over 20 years old, and fraying around the edges. Aryoo
is a short, 'roid-enraged piercing fetishist. His face is a mass of silver highlights surrounding a surgically implanted
titanium nose. Thirteenpio, on the other hand, is a taller, sallow-skinned drama queen of epic proportions. He is wearing
gleaming gunmetal-like armor of Art Deco design.
Another blast shakes them as they struggle along their way.
THIRTEENPIO: Did you hear that? They've shut down one of the cylinders. We'll be destroyed for sure. This is madness!
Rebel troopers squeeze past the robots and take up positions at the windows. They aim their weapons toward the door.
THIRTEENPIO: We're doomed!
The little RU fetishist makes a series of tinkling sounds that only another true fetishist could understand.
THIRTEENPIO: There'll be no escape for the Princess this time.
Aryoo continues making tinkling sounds. Tension mounts as loud metallic latches clank and the scream of heavy equipment are
heard moving around the outside of the Vanagon.
THIRTEENPIO: What's that?
EXT. HUMVEE LIMO ON STREET
The Imperial vehicle has easily overtaken the Rebel Blockade Runner. The smaller Rebel vehicle is being drawn towards the
grill dock of the giant Imperial limousine.
INT. REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER
The nervous Rebel troopers aim their weapons. Suddenly a tremendous blast opens up a hole in the side of the van, and a score
of fearsome black-armored gothtroopers gather to stand guard around the vehicle, as several more force their way inside the
cramped, smoke-filled space.
In a few minutes the entire interior is ablaze with taserfire. The deadly bolts ricochet in wild random patterns creating
huge explosions. The gothtroopers scatter and duck behind various tight-fitted furnishings. Taserbolts hit several Rebel
soldiers who scream and stagger through the smoke, holding shattered arms and faces.
An explosion hits near the rivetheadss.
THIRTEENPIO: I should have known better than to trust the logic of a half-sized runt with a predilection for pain....
Aryoo counters with an angry rebuttal of face-jewelry clanking as the battle rages around the two hapless rivetheads.
EXT. TATOOME - TEENAGE WASTELAND – DAY
A death-white concrete wasteland stretches from silver tower to silver tower, throughout the city. The tremendous heat reflected
from the blindingly shiny buildings settles on a lone figure, Lance Nightwalker, a city boy with heroic aspirations who looks
much younger than his nineteen years. His shaggy mohawk and baggy Metallica t-shirt give him the air of a simple but lovable
lad with a prize-winning scowl.
A light wind whips at him as he adjusts several valves on a large battered Harley Davidson which sits out on his Uncle's vast
garage floor like a sculpture of machine tech. He is aided by a beatup old rivethead with six waldo arms. The aging rivethead
appears to be barely functioning and moves with jerky motions. A bright sparkle in the morning sky catches Lance's eye and
he instinctively grabs a pair of binoculars from his black leather utilikilt. He stands transfixed for a few moments studying
the skyscraper canyons, then dashed toward his dented, crudely repaired '68 Camaro. He motions for the old rivethead to follow
him.
LANCE: Yo! Come with me! What are you waiting for?! Get it in gear!
The rivetheads scoots around on his Honda scooter in a tight circle, stops short, and smoke begins to pour out of the scooter's
engine. Lance throws his arms up in disgust. Exasperated, the young city boy jumps into his Camaro leaving the smoldering
scooter and p*ssed off rivethead to vent madly.
INT. REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER
The awesome, seven-foot-tall Dark Lord of the Kith makes his way into the blinding light of the front seat. This is Dark Trader,
right hand of the Emperor. His face is obscured by his flowing black velvet duster and grotesque Kabuki mask, which stands
out next to the fascist uniformly armored get-ups of the Imperial Gothtroopers.
Everyone instinctively cringes away from the imposing warrior and a deathly quiet sweeps through the Rebel troops. Several
of the Rebel troops break and try to fling themselves out of the van in a frenzied panic.
INT. REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER – CLOSET
A woman's hand puts a card into a slot in Aryoo's breastplate. Aryoo makes tinkling sounds.
INT. REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER
Thirteenpio stands outside the closet, somewhat bewildered. Aryoo is nowhere in sight. The pitiful screams of the doomed
Rebel soldiers can be heard in the distance.
THIREENPIO: Aryoo! Aryoo-Onetoo, where are you?
A familiar tinkling sound attacks Thirteenpio's attention and he spots little Aryoo coming out of the closet into the smoke-filled
alcove. A beautiful young girl (apparently in her early twenties) stands behind Aryoo. Surreal and out of place, dreamlike
and half hidden in the smoke, she finishes adjusting something on Aryoo's breastplate, then watches as the little rivethead
joins his companion.
THIRTEENPIO: At last! Where have you been?
ARYOO: Clank (jerks his head in the direction of the closet and rolls his eyes).
Gothtroopers can be heard battling with the remaining Rebel troops outside.
THIRTEENPIO: They're heading back over in this direction. What are we going to do? We'll be sent to the ice mines of Minnesota
or smashed into who knows what!
Aryoo squeezes past his sallow friend and jumps out of the big hole in the back of the Vanagon. Thirteenpio hesitates, then
chases after him.
THIRTEENPIO: Wait a minute, where are you going?
Aryoo responds with clanking and tinkling, his head jerking in the direction of some narrow alleys beyond the war zone, as
he scoops up a couple of weapons dropped and abandoned by departing or captured Rebels.
INT. REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER - FRONT SEAT
The evil Dark Trader stands amid the broken and twisted bodies of his foes. He grabs a wounded Rebel Officer by the neck
as an Imperial Officer rushes up to the Dark Lord.
IMPERIAL OFFICER: The Mourning Star plans are not in the laptop.
Trader squeezes the neck of the Rebel Officer, who struggles in vain.
TRADER: Where are those e-mails you intercepted?
Trader lifts the Rebel off his feet by his throat.
REBEL OFFICER: We intercepted no e-mails. Aaah....This is a consular van. We're on a diplomatic mission.
TRADER: If this is a consular van... where is the Ambassador?
The Rebel refuses to speak but eventually cries out as the Dark Lord begins to squeeze the officer's throat, creating a gruesome
snapping and choking, until the soldier goes limp. Trader tosses the dead soldier out onto the street, steps outside, and
turns to his troops.
TRADER: Commander, tear this piece of shit apart until you've found those plans and bring me the Ambassador. I want her
alive!
The gothtroopers start ripping apart the Vanagon with their hands, peeling away aluminum sheathing and tearing out wires and
upholstery.
INT. REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER - CLOSET
The lovely young girl huddles in the closet as the gothtroopers search through the van. She is Princess Leiza Organza, a
member of the Alldergoths Senate. The fear in her eyes slowly gives way to anger as the muted crushing sounds of the approaching
gothtroopers grow louder. One of the troopers spots her.
TROOPER: There she is! Set for stun!
Leiza steps from her hiding place and blasts a trooper with her taser pistol. She starts to jump out of the van, but is felled
by a paralyzing ray. The troopers inspect her inert body.
TROOPER: She'll be all right. Inform Lord Trader we have a prisoner.
EXT. ALLEYWAY
Aryoo stops before the small door in the wall further down the alley. He rattles the doorknob and pops the lock, and the light
over the doorway starts to flash on and off, until he chucks a rock from the alley floor at it and it breaks. The stubby
rivethead opens the door just wide enough for he and Thirteenpio to ease in, both of them squeezing into the dark space beyond.
THIRTEENPIO: Hey, we're not permitted in here. It's got to be restricted. We'll be caught for sure....
Aryoo tinkles at him.
THIRTEENPIO: Don't call me a mindless philosopher, you overshort heavy metal nightmare! Now let's get out of here before
somebody catches us!
Aryoo clanks something at his reluctant friend regarding the mission he was asked to perform.
THIRTEENPIO: Secret mission? What plans? What are you talking about? I'm not going further in there!
Aryoo isn't happy with Thirteenpio's stubbornness, and he tinkles and clanks angrily.
A new explosion, this time very close, sends dust and debris through the narrow opening. Flames lick down the alleyway. Thirteenpio
jumps further into the building, and, after a flurry of tinkled swearing from Aryoo, both rivetheads take off further into
the dark corridor.
THIRTEENPIO: I just know I'm going to regret this.
 Page 2
|
